It is now a popular thing to have a "blog", i.e. an online journal or diary (web-log). I too have jumped on the blog-wagon. So if you are interested, please check out cybette's blog.
The following are some poems I've wrote, in chronological order.
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Like the deep still silent night
Encompassing my very soul
Outside... beyond the horizons...
Where did my heart go ?
Chasing the unreachable
Hoping for a miracle
Envisioning everything
Expecting nothing
How and why... I don't know
Or perhaps I don't want to know
Others have come and gone
None bothered to look back
Gone for good...
Zooming out into the vast space
A place no one else has traspassed
Keeping myself there...
And in the meantime
Right there waiting for
You.
(September 1995)
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The other love stories are all heart-wrenching
But there's only uncertainty between you and me
To love or not to love... the line is blurred
I could only swallow down my hurt...
We're both afraid of feelings changing
Worried about dreams and hopes vanishing
So we put aside our expectations...
Leaving no forms of assurance
Is forever really that unreachable ?
Vows and promises are just a bunch of lies...
Since we feel for each other
Let's not be anxious about forever
I want to love you with each and every today in my life
Believing that true love will stand the test of time
Day and night... letting go of my emotions
Let the fairy tale begin...
I want to love you with each and every today in my life
No more suppressions, no more insecurities...
Lighting up the flame of love in me
To burn for this moment in time...
(October 1995 - translated from a Chinese song)
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Love, so tormenting... causing me to lose my directions
I've lavished my youth... just for you
Love, so stirring... making me sink deep and deeper
All the tears shed in front of you... for love and love alone
Keep comforting myself that you're worth the wait
And tears are just part of this process
But never did I imagine your insincerity
And when I want to turn back... it's too late
Tears for love, time and again... endless waiting
But never any sympathy for me
Loving you has made me
The loneliest person on earth...
Tears for love, time and again... endless waiting
Did you ever care for me ?
Doesn't matter... I'm just shedding
Tears for love.
(October 1995 - translated from a Chinese song)
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Love lost...
Over the years
Vulnerable and hurt
Expecting love no more
You came along
Out of the blue
Unravelling what's buried in my heart...
Apprehensive and afraid, yet...
Love found me again
With you, I see
A peek into the future
You and me together
Since... love is all it takes ?
(February 1996 - note the first column)
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Touching you... feel your breath on my face
Our bodies pressing in a warm embrace
You bring back memories
Of a certain past...
Unfortunately of which did not quite last
What is gone,
Is gone forever...
Though I never dared
Hope for another
Love lost.. and found.. all is but an illusion?
Or perhaps something highly undefined
Vexed, for I could dispel almost every thought
Except those of you... from my mind...
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(February 1996 - note the first column)
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I'm sorry
What else can I say
Never thought it'll end this way
Those moments in our lives
When we were so much a part of each other
We've laughed, we've cried
And shared so much together
That fateful day I'll remember
When I cried for the last time ever
In your presence ...
Then I found myself alone
Waiting for you
Waiting for you...
Wanting to wait for you
Wanting to wait for you...
But ...
Tired ...
Stopped ...
He was waiting for me
Right there
Right here...
When my life was in pits
You were there, he was here
When I wanted to scream
Your ear was there, his was here
When I felt like crying
Your shoulder was there, his was here
Now that I'm happy
You are still there, he is here ...
Did you choose to be there ?
Seems that you did
On that fateful day ...
Tired of loving, tired of waiting
Tired of giving so much of myself
Wanted to take a backseat and be loved for once
And indeed I am
Right now, right here
How could I bear give up this chance ?
Not only am I loved
But to have learnt
To love back without exhausting myself
To wait without putting my life on hold
To give without feeling drained
Perhaps I should not be saying sorry
But to say thank you
Even for that fateful day ...
To you, apologies and thanks ...
To my dearest him,
With love and thanks ...
(April 1996)
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It's a blessing when love lasts
But if not, let it pass
I've been through this, so have you
Happy times more than those that were blue
Be content when love's in the air
But if not, don't despair
If still in sorrow you surf
Just remember those times of love...
It's his hand...
His hand that was ever so gentle
Brushing over...
Over my contours, making me tingle
No denying that
Happiness was what I had
Having gone through
We should treasure that we've shared
No denying that
Happiness was what I had
Having loved
I'd say, my life is... without regret...
(April 1996 - translated from a Chinese song)
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I will never forget that day, that night...
As we became one... from that instant
In body, mind and soul... everything
What more could I ask for?
Belonging to each other, or rather, to us as one entity
Each time I miss you, it's like a part of me is gone
I just wanna give my all to you, to be together again
There may be complaints, disappointments...
But no one is perfect, neither is myself
At the end of the day,
All I remember,
Is how much I love you
And how you love me too
From the moment you said you love me
I know I've lived... without regret
And will leave this place without regret too
Coz I know, one day we'd meet again,
Wherever we are...
And be one again...
(October 1996)
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There's a conclusion for every love story
Mine ended with you leaving me ...
Watching you as you walk out of my life,
Is this all meant to be ?
I really wanna let you know, just let you know
That you were the most beautiful encounter I've had
I will always remember you,
Even though you left me standing in the rain, in the night ...
In that cold stormy night
How I wished I could keep the dream alive
But knowing there's no way to bring you back
The story has ended
And the rain still goes on ...
In that cold stormy night
Still wishing I had kept the dream alive
Can anyone tell me how to turn back the clock ?
Sigh ... I know ... the story is ended
While the rain, yeah, goes on and on ...
(April 1997 - translated from a Chinese song)
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Loving ... getting hurt ...
Only memories left, at the end of the day
No doubt, there were some good times, but ...
Even the toughest heart suffers from a break
Loneliness sets in, surrounding me ... almost choking
Is there anyone there for me ?
No more fairy tales for me to believe in ... could I ...
Ever love so deeply again ?
Since I've found you ...
Since I've lost you ...
(April 1997 - note the first column)
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Sometimes I lay awake
In the middle of the night
Wondering what's to be achieved in life
Wondering what Death has in store
Sometimes all I think about
Is making a name for myself
Perhaps to be the absolute best in something
Or an accomplishment never before
Sometimes I look around me
I see people hurrying by
In a freeze frame, I realize
Being the best isn't the best anymore
Sometimes words can't begin to describe
How much it'll mean to me
If I could make a difference in someone's life
Before I go a-knocking on heaven's door
Sometimes I see sadness in your eyes
I cannot change what's in the past
But if I could be the happiness in your future
That'll be more than I'd ask for
Sometimes I hate to leave things hanging
Yet unpredictable as life is
Anything can happen, lightning can strike,
... I thank you for loving me ...
(November 1998 - inspired by Joe Black)
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I dreamt of Titanic
I dreamt of you and me
The water still, the iceberg tall
The warmest hug in the coldest of nights
I dreamt of Titanic
It was another instance of you
Love hurts, but there were no tears
It ended, it sank deep, with a smile
My dream, it was so sweet
I could not bear to open my eyes
My tears, they were there when I awoke
Soaking, drenching my pillow...
I would give my everything to love you,
Hug you, wait for you, think of you
And you, just like a whirlwind,
Dragged me deep into the dark cold night
Love is like a birthmark, can't be tossed away,
Washed away, or rubbed away
If it could be possible, please let me sink deep
To the bottom of the sea with Titanic
Even if I could forget about you,
Forget the wrongs, and forget the past...
I would not be able to forget the beautiful
Love on the Titanic
I dreamt of Titanic
I awoke and you were gone
The bittersweet taste of my tears
Would you ever know?
(July 2001 - translated from a Chinese song)
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Others say I am too crazy
To go with him a-roaming
Laughter and tears, all within me
But there's no room for sadness
When you love somebody
You long for what he longs for
If he wants to fly
I will make him wings
When he's through riding the wind
I hope he returns to my side
Plenty of tales of his adventures
With perhaps some indiscretions
I would laugh off the crazy stuff
And treasure the treasured things
Love begets love and kindness
Everything feels so natural
It is so easy to love him
Gentleness is courage
From a lady to her man
The road is long, the journey endless
I'll keep him company with my heart
Connecting deep into the night
When you love somebody
You long for what he longs for
If he wants to fly
I will make him wings...
(July 2001 - translated from a Chinese song)
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You asked me if I'm sure
And I said yes
You asked me how I knew I'm sure
And I said I just know
When you feel the way I do
There will be no doubt in your heart
That you and I can come together
And we will never grow apart
Feelings of happiness when we're together
Feelings of belonging, that I no longer have to roam
Feelings of trust, that I can depend my life on you
Feelings of security, with your arms around me
Feelings of completeness, with our union
Feelings of love... that magical touch
Love is a many splendored thing
And love is more than just a feeling
That's because love is the integration of many wonderful feelings
To love is like playing the piano
First you must learn to play by the rules
Then you must forget the rules and play from your heart
I've been a rules girl too long
So please let me love you with all my heart
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Come what may, come what may
I will always... love... you...
(August 2001 - inspired by Moulin Rouge)
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Ice cubes swirling in the wine glass
Melting slowly... but surely...
Can't stop them, can't do anything
But to watch them helplessly
Put a finger in the bittersweet wine
Trying to get ahold of a piece
One by one, they slip from my finger
Melting even faster
The finger's numb, but the heart still aches
Perhaps it's not meant to be
Ice melting, heart breaking
Hurts so much... till nothing's in me
(September 2001)
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The love of your life
Is not me
The love of your life
It is she
She has a grip on your heart
And control on your soul
She knows her hold over you
And she won't let go
I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter
Because you still love her
And you still want her
Even though you tell me
You can't be with her
You keep saying that
She is your best friend
But what I keep hearing is
You want more than a "friend"
I know that in your heart
You believe she's your soulmate
Perhaps knowing you but not having you
Is just my fate
What good are soulmates
If they don't allow each other to grow
He was also my soulmate
But I had to let go
You tell me that I'm your girl
I hear it, but I don't feel it
Because she resurfaces everytime that
I thought I could finally believe it
I don't think that just because
I've known you for a time much shorter
Does my love pale in comparison
To what she has to offer
It doesn't even matter
Anymore...
Will someone please catch me?
I've a long way to fall...
(November 2001)
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If my life were a jigsaw puzzle
I would search for all the pieces
And you would be the glue
More vital than any single piece
For you hold all the pieces together
And give meaning to the bigger picture
If my life were the solar system
I would be the sun
And you would be the gas hydrogen
More important than any planet
For you ignite the fire in me
And keep my flames burning
If my life were the symphony orchestra
I would be the conductor
And you would be the music
More significant than any one player
For you provide the soul of a composition
And breath life into the instruments
If my life were to end right now
I would leave with a contented sigh
For having found the reason of my existence
When I found you...
(February 2002 - dedicated to Bruce)
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The world won't stop turning tomorrow
If I were to leave it today
Will anyone feel any sorrow
If I didn't call them to say hey
Buried under responsibilities
Lost amid commitments
Frustrations and insecurities
Stomping on me like elephants
I wish that I could spare more time
To spend with friends and family
But while I can find words that rhyme
Time still flies by so quickly
Perhaps the hopes I have are much too high
Way out of reach, but I have to try
I want to live, not just to survive
And I'm keeping my dreams alive...
(March 2003)
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Sometimes life just isn't fair
That's easy for you to say
How would you know what I'm going through
If you haven't walked a mile in my shoe
This is no ordinary shoe
It is attached to a ball and chain
I'm a prisoner in the land of the free
Locked up with an extra dose of pain
Perhaps it's easier to be cold and empty
Void of emotions, totally sucked dry
Not knowing nor caring what tomorrow holds
Completely drained of tears to cry
But hollow I may be, I am still alive
As much as I fight it or will it away
My feelings creep back unsuspectingly
Continuing to haunt me day after day
Naked and exposed, lonely and exhausted
There's no other choice and no way out
Even if I want to walk away from it all
I don't have anywhere to go
So I stay behind with my ball and chain
Picking up the pieces of broken glass
Gluing back the mess of broken dreams
Sewing back the fabric of a broken home
I too have been broken, many times over
Hastily put back just to be broken again
Between the pieces, within the cracks
Filled with dried blood from my heart a-slain
That which does not kill me only makes me stronger
Believing that may sustain me just a little longer
As I search on for that glimmer of hope
I can't help but think
Sometimes life just isn't fair
(December 2003 - inspired by and dedicated to Gloria)
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